I’m pissed at the fact that nowadays people treat the internet like some game. We have people referring to the world outside of the internet as real life. Listen folks, the internet is also real life. Believe it or not, it is. I could understand why some of you believe that it’s not. I blame the trolls, racists, online sexual predators, Viagra emails, or even those big dick pill offers in emails. I remember a friend linked me to pictures of a woman who was strangled by her boyfriend. Most of the comments were “She’s hot” or “nice pussy, what a waste.”
So yeah, I can see why some of you would log out and carry on with your personal lives to avoid these people. But where do we go when “real life” people suck just as bad?
Fuck looking around for a sanctuary to be safe from these fuckers, I just like to smoke outside my backyard. This is another recent habit I have picked up. I already have a lot of other bad habits like drinking coffee, drinking soda…. and that’s about it. And when I don’t smoke, I like to do aerobic exercises. It’s not unheard of though. To my knowledge, former boxing champs Ricardo Mayorga and James Toney are smokers. Ricardo would smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day while training for his fights. He would fight for 12 rounds (36 minutes) and win. On the December 2003 issue of the Ring Magazine, Mayorga was featured with a cigarette in his mouth. Possibly the first athlete to ever do that on the cover of a sports magazine.
I remember reading a James Toney interview in a magazine and in regards to his liking of Cuban cigars, his philosophy was “Smoke two a day. Make the doctor go away.” I believe if smoking is moderated by the person, then their work outs can’t be hurt by a little smoke. I’ve increased my time jumping rope and still feel fresh. It can work. The habit is a temporary one and I don’t have to be concerned with slowing down.
Some writers smoke weed to help them out in their creativity, but I don’t think weed works for that. Then again, I’m no expert on the matter. I smoked weed this one time when I was living in California. My cousin Jessica is a stoner. She even made an apple bowl because she didn’t have a pipe, and then she asked me to give it a try. Not wanting to look like a bitch, I gave in. I sucked in some smoke from this hole in the apple and she told me to hold the smoke in for a few seconds. So I did. And I remember feeling the difference between marijuana smoke and cigar smoke. Weed smoke is easier to inhale, although it may cause coughing. Cigar smoke, on the other hand, is “heavier” to inhale, but that’s because it’s man-made and contains a fuckton of chemicals. Weed is natural and that’s why it’s easier to inhale.
Cigarettes and cigars can immediately relax you and make you feel a bit light-headed. A cigar brand I prefer is the “Black and Mild” brand, which is common to find in the United States. These cigars are classy. The cigars taste sweet, depending on the flavors you get. I usually buy the wine-flavored ones. Vanilla and cherry taste good too. Even non-smokers like the smell these cigars produce. My brother describes the smell as “burnt candy”.
A few minutes later after smoking from the apple, I felt really light-headed. More than I felt in comparison to the effect of cigars. This was probably munchies, but I decided to eat some rice. And then I remember that as soon as I was about to insert the spoon into my mouth, I saw that the spoon in front of my face was BIG.
It was like a movie-style ZOOM IN on the spoon. So I dropped it in shock. I looked at my fingers and my eyes zoomed in on them too.
INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY
My cousin Jessica walks in.
CLOSE-UP ON JESSICA:
JESSICA
I think I’ll name my future daughter Diamond.
Do you think that sounds like a black girl’s
name?
ME
Huh? What?
JESSICA
Are you high?
ME
(stoned as fuck)
No. You got me by surprise, is all.
JESSICA
I got more of that shit. I’m fixing to smoke
some more, come kick it outside.
ME
Okay, wait up. I’m eating.
JESSICA
Munchies?
ME
No. I’m just hungry. FOLLOW ME! FOLLOW ME!
RIGHT THIS WAY!
Jessica is startled.
CUT TO
INT. ROOM- DAY
Then I’m in bed- asleep. Stoned, actually.
JESSICA
I knew it.
Note: I wish Scrippets was working again, so I could have done that in proper screenplay format.
Weed takes a while to kick in. But when it does, it hits you hard. And it doesn’t hurt.
My brother Oscar was a stoner, too. One day, he got the clever idea to trick people into buying fake marijuana. One unlucky customer of his was notorious for having massive ant piles on his front yard. Keep that in mind.
Anyway, there were also these odd-looking flowers the guy’s front yard. If I can recall correctly, my brother yanked these flowers off the guy’s yard. Back at our house, he cut the flowers into a thousand pieces and mixed it in with pieces of wet grass. It looked like real marijuana in the little plastic bag. He sold it to the poor asshole.
Old boy even came back surprised.
“Man, dat weed got me fucked UP!” he says. My brother is now surprised by this.
“What?! It worked?!” my brother asks.
“Fuck yeah. Where can I get some more?”
“Shiiiit. If you want more, you can find it in your front yard. Free, my nigga.”
“What? Aw shit, you already know!”
It may have been the ant poison that really got him stoned.
Looking at this differently: This smoking habit is a temporary one. Maybe I’ll stop it right now. I mean, I hate the taste the smoke leaves in my mouth. I brush my teeth every time I finish smoking and then I attempt to purify myself by drinking a lot of water, which then leads to trips to the bathroom every 5 minutes. A few hours later, I’m shadow boxing for 3 rounds and jumping rope for my body, only to contaminate it with tobacco smoke.
My body rewards me with well-conditioned lungs and energy when I work out. And my brain rewards me with light-headed guesses on how many times I gotta spit in order to get the taste of tobacco out my mouth while I'm smoking.
Smoking doesn't change the fact that stupid assholes exist.
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