21

Well, my friends, I have now turned 21. I’m both proud and scared of this fact. I mean, I’m proud that I’ve never been to jail. I’m living a positive lifestyle, I stay out of trouble, and my life has not gone down the drain so young. I remember going to school when I was little and talking to my friends about The Lion King and Pokemon cards. These days, all of my childhood friends are either in jail, dead, or they have kids now. Having children so young doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to abandon your hopes and dreams. But I usually see regret and a lot of struggle in raising these little fuckers.

I’m scared of getting older because I know there are some things I just can’t get away with due to my age. The main thing being is that you’re a legal adult already, so you can get in more trouble and be a target for criticism in this judgmental world. Especially when you fuck up trying to live a lifestyle most people are comfortable with. Try telling everybody you’re going to be president and see if they believe you. If you fail at life, you have a limited time to make up for it. Yes, age is just a number. And if you’re a fan of reality, sometimes it ain’t. Get on the ball.

I don’t celebrate my birthday. I don’t even celebrate Christmas. In my world, both events take place on the same day, so it’s more depressing than it is. I went to my uncle’s house to visit him for Christmas. Everybody was happy to see that I got bigger. I was unhappy to see that for the tenth year in a row, they had completely forgotten that it was my birthday.

“Where have you been these past three years?”

I have been living in California for two years and then I moved to a Mexican border town, Nuevo Laredo. I stayed there for almost a year doing research for a movie...

My uncle stops smiling.

Uncle: “Would you like a beer?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

He becomes even more straight-faced than before. Everybody else laughs. I’ve never been a beer drinker and I’ve recently stopped experimenting with smoking. Mexican men try to measure your masculinity by the amount of beers you drink. Writers try to determine how often you write by the amount of foam coffee cups you have lying around.

A few hours later, I walked into my cousin’s room. He’s watching The Book of Eli.

Blu-ray.

It looked like Mila Kunis was in the room, so I sat down next to her. The violence in the movie is cartoonish and the cinematography is superb. A couple of evil-doers try to rape Mila.

“So, how have you been?” asks my cousin.

“Good, good. I gotta use your bathroom.”

I exit the room, and once I’m out the room, I get offered coffee and donuts like 10 times. “No thanks” (10 times). I’ve already had 4 cups of Amaretto coffee and now I gotta piss. Real bad. Then I entered the bathroom. It’s squeaky-clean, just for us. I went back to my cousin’s room. Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman have joined the fun, too.

Aww shit.

The movie ends with Denzel reciting every verse in the Bible and old people writing down everything he says. Mila puts on a large jacket, sunglasses on, and walks down a road. All under the hot sun. << SPOILER ALERT

Sexy.

My dad, living in Mexico, calls me on my brother’s cell phone. He sounded tired.

“So you’re 21 now, huh? You’re getting older while I’m just getting younger. (YAWN) I’ll see if I can go there some time and we can hang out.”

Not gonna happen.

A few minutes later, I pissed like 3 more times. Then went home and continued working on my writing as usual.

My mom made a cake and it wasn’t for me. It was for Christmas. It was for Jesus. Honestly, I don’t give a shit for birthday presents, cakes, and all that. It’s just weird not being acknowledged enough on your birthday to get your own cake.

It doesn’t have to be a cake, either. Maybe a Rolex Presidential watch. That would be sweet.

Other than that, my body and mind feel great. I still can’t grow facial hair, not even a semi-mustache. My face is smooth like a newborn baby’s ass. Well, except for a few hairs sticking out my chin. I always shave those off. They’re useless.

I work out, as I mentioned in a previous post. Some time next month, I plan on adding the 6-round punching bag work out. Hitting the bag for 18 minutes is no joke. I feel like the result of working out with loud music (Jedi Mind Tricks take over the garage) is worth it. You feel very positive and happy. Boxing is one of the best ways to relax your mind and it helps me out in my writing.

21 looks like a cool age to be. Filmmakers, actors, singers, athletes are making it big and are becoming more popular at a younger age nowadays. I’m more impressed with athletes and filmmakers. Take this guy for example, Xavier Dolan. He’s 21 and has directed some flicks. As you can see in the interview, he’s a sharp guy and knows the craft of film.

Currently, the youngest person to have won the Nicholl Fellowship (biggest script competition in the world) is 21. Then you got David Rudisha and it gets even better.

I hope I can still be and feel this energetic, and be this amazing, when I become an old man. If it’s not meant to be, then I hope it’s because I died chasing tornadoes before I got the chance to age miserably.

Ant poison can get you stoned

Yes, planet Earth is big. And I think it’s fair to say that the internet has shrunk the world. I’ve always thought the world was too much of a big place to live on… Now when I turn on my laptop and connect myself online, I’m literally connected to the rest of the world. So now the world isn’t big enough.

I’m pissed at the fact that nowadays people treat the internet like some game. We have people referring to the world outside of the internet as real life. Listen folks, the internet is also real life. Believe it or not, it is. I could understand why some of you believe that it’s not. I blame the trolls, racists, online sexual predators, Viagra emails, or even those big dick pill offers in emails. I remember a friend linked me to pictures of a woman who was strangled by her boyfriend. Most of the comments were “She’s hot” or “nice pussy, what a waste.”

So yeah, I can see why some of you would log out and carry on with your personal lives to avoid these people. But where do we go when “real life” people suck just as bad?

Fuck looking around for a sanctuary to be safe from these fuckers, I just like to smoke outside my backyard. This is another recent habit I have picked up. I already have a lot of other bad habits like drinking coffee, drinking soda…. and that’s about it. And when I don’t smoke, I like to do aerobic exercises. It’s not unheard of though. To my knowledge, former boxing champs Ricardo Mayorga and James Toney are smokers. Ricardo would smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day while training for his fights. He would fight for 12 rounds (36 minutes) and win. On the December 2003 issue of the Ring Magazine, Mayorga was featured with a cigarette in his mouth. Possibly the first athlete to ever do that on the cover of a sports magazine.

I remember reading a James Toney interview in a magazine and in regards to his liking of Cuban cigars, his philosophy was “Smoke two a day. Make the doctor go away.” I believe if smoking is moderated by the person, then their work outs can’t be hurt by a little smoke. I’ve increased my time jumping rope and still feel fresh. It can work. The habit is a temporary one and I don’t have to be concerned with slowing down.

Some writers smoke weed to help them out in their creativity, but I don’t think weed works for that. Then again, I’m no expert on the matter. I smoked weed this one time when I was living in California. My cousin Jessica is a stoner. She even made an apple bowl because she didn’t have a pipe, and then she asked me to give it a try. Not wanting to look like a bitch, I gave in. I sucked in some smoke from this hole in the apple and she told me to hold the smoke in for a few seconds. So I did. And I remember feeling the difference between marijuana smoke and cigar smoke. Weed smoke is easier to inhale, although it may cause coughing. Cigar smoke, on the other hand, is “heavier” to inhale, but that’s because it’s man-made and contains a fuckton of chemicals. Weed is natural and that’s why it’s easier to inhale.

Cigarettes and cigars can immediately relax you and make you feel a bit light-headed. A cigar brand I prefer is the “Black and Mild” brand, which is common to find in the United States. These cigars are classy. The cigars taste sweet, depending on the flavors you get. I usually buy the wine-flavored ones. Vanilla and cherry taste good too. Even non-smokers like the smell these cigars produce. My brother describes the smell as “burnt candy”.

A few minutes later after smoking from the apple, I felt really light-headed. More than I felt in comparison to the effect of cigars. This was probably munchies, but I decided to eat some rice. And then I remember that as soon as I was about to insert the spoon into my mouth, I saw that the spoon in front of my face was BIG.

It was like a movie-style ZOOM IN on the spoon. So I dropped it in shock. I looked at my fingers and my eyes zoomed in on them too.

INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY

My cousin Jessica walks in.

CLOSE-UP ON JESSICA:

                               JESSICA

                 I think I’ll name my future daughter Diamond. 

                 Do you think that sounds like a black girl’s

                 name?

                                ME

                 Huh? What?

                               JESSICA

                 Are you high?

                                ME

                     (stoned as fuck)

                 No. You got me by surprise, is all.

                               JESSICA

                 I got more of that shit. I’m fixing to smoke

                 some more, come kick it outside.

                                ME

                 Okay, wait up. I’m eating.

                               JESSICA

                 Munchies?

                               ME

                 No. I’m just hungry. FOLLOW ME! FOLLOW ME! 

                 RIGHT THIS WAY!

Jessica is startled.

CUT TO

INT. ROOM- DAY

Then I’m in bed- asleep. Stoned, actually.

                               JESSICA

                  I knew it.

Note: I wish Scrippets was working again, so I could have done that in proper screenplay format.

Weed takes a while to kick in. But when it does, it hits you hard. And it doesn’t hurt.

My brother Oscar was a stoner, too. One day, he got the clever idea to trick people into buying fake marijuana. One unlucky customer of his was notorious for having massive ant piles on his front yard. Keep that in mind.

Anyway, there were also these odd-looking flowers the guy’s front yard. If I can recall correctly, my brother yanked these flowers off the guy’s yard. Back at our house, he cut the flowers into a thousand pieces and mixed it in with pieces of wet grass. It looked like real marijuana in the little plastic bag. He sold it to the poor asshole.

Old boy even came back surprised.

“Man, dat weed got me fucked UP!” he says. My brother is now surprised by this.
“What?! It worked?!” my brother asks.
“Fuck yeah. Where can I get some more?”
“Shiiiit. If you want more, you can find it in your front yard. Free, my nigga.”
“What? Aw shit, you already know!”

It may have been the ant poison that really got him stoned.

Looking at this differently: This smoking habit is a temporary one. Maybe I’ll stop it right now. I mean, I hate the taste the smoke leaves in my mouth. I brush my teeth every time I finish smoking and then I attempt to purify myself by drinking a lot of water, which then leads to trips to the bathroom every 5 minutes. A few hours later, I’m shadow boxing for 3 rounds and jumping rope for my body, only to contaminate it with tobacco smoke.

My body rewards me with well-conditioned lungs and energy when I work out. And my brain rewards me with light-headed guesses on how many times I gotta spit in order to get the taste of tobacco out my mouth while I'm smoking.

Smoking doesn't change the fact that stupid assholes exist.